no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
