she looked like the before picture.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
