Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
