he wants to bone in the snuggie
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
