there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
