So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
