That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
