I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
