HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't like sucking hair
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Congratulations! We have a period
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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