People with herpes should wear stickers.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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