I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
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Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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