I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
