i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
