she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
