Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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