hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
