then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
