Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize