Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
