my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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