I bet he comes in French.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
