Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
