Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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