Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
