Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
