you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
bring money and cleavage
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
