tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
