Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
