I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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