Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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