i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
