I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
now i know why i became what i already was.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
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I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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