talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
