The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
whose parrot is this?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
