**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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