Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just gift wrapped bread.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
