a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
