Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
