Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
