This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
