if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
