I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
