I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
