I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
