Your tits are I can't wait for
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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