closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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