i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
