my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize