I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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