Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
