My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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