what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
