She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
