I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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