I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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