if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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