....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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