Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
