Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
