i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
