I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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