Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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