I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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