Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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