Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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