I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
