video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
