I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
