she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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