I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
