I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
