i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
