Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
