went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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