i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you never un-have a 4some
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
